There is a sensitive part of your soul that’s impeccably beautiful but fragile and the only thing that can tamper with it are the people who you love the most. I’m sad to say that I have been tampered with in the most disappointing way. It’s deeper than worldly things. It’s deeper than blood. It’s even deeper than words. But I will do my best to express the devastation of loving a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
This was nothing romantic, this was supposed to be unconditional and love in a pure form.
But people always remind you that the purest love cascades from the most high. The Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, and my beautiful source—is God.
You can deeply love someone your entire life and find out that wickedness dances in the depths of their spirits and when they watch people weep—they laugh. You called them a Leader and deserving of their headship. You thought they were one of the few Leaders who were authentic, genuine, and clean-hearted. You thought they were someone to look up to and to only understand that evil lived dormant in the pits of their spirit…is simply a complete devastation.
To decide that it was a wolf the whole time would be to rob them of the good things they fulfilled. But the more I think about it, it was never real. It was never normal. It was never genuine. The more I think about it, there were always excuses for the emptiness that I called a relationship.
It’s dreadfully disheartening when a wolf finally unclothes himself. It’s the moment he thinks he won. It’s the moment he says the nastiest things. It’s the moment that he finally attempts to destroy your spirit in the darkest way. He mixes lies with the truth and ultimately its only to provide your spirit with utter emptiness and then he says he loves you. In only true wolf fashion, its belittled as nothing at all. Interesting enough, it was nothing to win but the loss of integrity and sanity was the cost of something so cardinal—so minute. You’ve gone above and beyond to deceive, but for what? And at what cost?
But the worst was to re-word the legacy of someone so amazing and loving. At what cost? And why?
To simply be a wolf, finding bliss in treachery.
What happened to the person who tilted his chin to the sky and smiled knowing that he was a man of God?
I don’t know.
I asked God to help me with forgiving people, because it has been my greatest challenge yet vital to my vitality.
I forgive you for loving incompletely.
I forgive you for the stirring of chaos and confusion between brethren.
I forgive you for being ingenuine.
I forgive you for our empty relationship that you purposely never watered.
I forgive you for finding laughter in taunting the people you’re supposed to love.
I forgive you for being the opposite of your public presentation.
I forgive you for being a wolf.
As you unclothed yourself, I hope that you can one day face the mirror and proudly represent the ones with integrity who raised you and taught us all how to love.
My body had become restless and I found myself married to sleeplessness, until one morning I woke up well-rested and with a peace that was inexplainable. Then I realized that I had finally accepted that vengeance is the Lord’s.